South Park 17×09 Titties and Dragons

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South Park Studios/Comedy Central

It’s the conclusion of the Black Friday trilogy! Cartman takes another turn in the betrayal garden as the final moves are planned. Which console will reign supreme?

Spoilers below.

The opening gets a Game of Thrones revamp, with Wiener Party playing instead of the South Park theme. At the end, the boys are in their Stick of Truth outfits.

Then we get Princess Kenny, the show. Princess Kenny enters the Sony headquarters with a plan. He then parachutes to the barge carrying the PS4s and stops Microsoft from blocking the shipment.

Cartman, Kyle and the XBox army freak out that Princess Kenny is single handledly winning the console war. Cartman refuses to admit this wouldn’t have been a problem if he’d let Kenny be a princess.

Black Friday nears and the crowd outside the mall has become massive. Shoppers started lining up on Thanksgiving but George R. R. Martin delayed Black Friday for a week in last week’s episode.

The reporter interviews one man who camped out with his family. They ate his son when they got hungry. Reporter: “Now, some people may say that eating your child is not very Christmasy. What would you say to them?”

The man pauses for a minute and then sings this jaunty tune: “I ate my son for a Blu-Ray player with a ho ho ho and a jingle jingle jangle. My son got ate and it tasted good ho ho jingle jingle ho ho.” Okay, I’m sorry but that song is my new favorite thing.

Kyle and the PS4 kids plan to get around the thousands of shoppers by entering the mall through the attached Red Robin. Just then, Cartman, Kyle and the XBox fighters show up. Cartman gives in, saying, “We still think the XBox is a superior machine but you guys got too many people on your side and then Kenny became a Japanese princess.”

Kyle insists they have to work together but Stan refuses. Cartman says they figured out how to infiltrate the Red Robin. Kyle explains it can be rented out to wedding parties. A Red Robin Wedding. This is fantastic.

Kyle promises Stan he’ll never talk about XBox being better again and Stan goes to plan the wedding. Alas, Kyle has his fingers crossed behind his back.

At Sony headquarters, Princess Kenny receives an invitation from Cartman to the Red Robin Wedding. Cartman says the armies have made peace and if Kenny shows, he’ll be accepted as a princess.

Excited, Princess Kenny bids farewell to the Sony executives and jumps out the window. She smashes on the concrete below. But then, Princess Kenny rises and is totally fine. Pay no attention to the massive blood loss.

In the betrayal garden, Cartman suggests to Stan they hang back while Butters and Scott get hit by the crowd from the front doors. He promises it was all about Stan and him getting PS4s anyway.

Guy in Window: “He’s lying to you! They’re just acting like they’ve given up but it’s a double bluff.”
Cartman: “Dude. Dude.”
Guy: “They’re gonna betray you at the Red Robin Wedding. He got the idea watching Game of Thrones.”
Cartman: “Dude! Shut the fuck up!”

The guy tells the plan to lock Stan and the PS4 kids in the Red Robin so they don’t get anything.

Cartman: “Why don’t you just tell the whole world everything, huh? Why don’t you tell everyone what Prometheus was about while you’re at it?”

Stan asks if Kyle knew about this but Cartman blows it off and says they’re not going to betray him. Then, Cartman says, “Did you see Prometheus? I don’t think the writers even knew what that was about.” Exactly.

Stan presses him and Cartman admits it was Kyle’s idea. Horrified, Stan runs off. Cartman threatens to poo in the man’s garden.

The reporter, Niles, announces George R. R. Martin will be cutting the red ribbon to open the mall. Niles: “Just like the dragons and zombies in his novels, he is on his way.”

Martin, Butters and Scott ride back to South Park on horses. Butters complains this isn’t the fastest way back but Martin says horses have a quality other modes of transportation do not. Cut to the horse’s floppy wiener.

At the Red Robin, wedding preparations are underway. Cartman tells the manager Tom Hanks and BeyoncĂ© are getting married. Kyle confronts Cartman about Stan knowing the plan. Cartman tells Kyle that Stan won’t be a problem anymore.

Kyle goes to Stan’s house and is told by Sharon that Stan pooed in the man’s garden. He isn’t allowed to leave his room so they must talk through the door. Kyle accuses Stan of having his dad work at the mall to help the PS4 kids. Stan says he didn’t even know his dad was working there. Kyle is stunned.

Stan: “But you couldn’t just ask me. Because XBox people don’t care about the truth. They just care about seamless multi-media connectivity.”
Kyle: “I’m sorry, Stan. I’m sorry. This whole war has just got us all screwed up. I just want us to be playing Call of Duty on the right machine.”
Stan: “You don’t understand. I’m never playing Call of Duty with you again.”
Kyle, defeated: “Stan, don’t say that.”

Stan kicks Kyle out of his house.

Randy preps the mall guards, as they’ve lost another. “Peterson was a great guy and he did not deserve to get beheaded like that,” he says. A rookie panics and Randy tells him no one’s going to die. The shoppers then break in through the roof and the rookie runs. Randy shoots him in the back with an arrow, then yells, “No! Everybody really liked him!”

George R. R. Martin arrives to cut the ribbon but delays it to talk about his wiener.

The Red Robin Wedding has started and Princess Kenny sits next to Cartman. Kyle announces, “Princess Kenny, I think it’s time we returned the wizard’s hospitality,” and says there’s been a change in plan.

Kyle has switched sides to get Stan a PS4. Bill Gates and the Sony CEO show up to fight it out. Kyle: “Wait a minute. How the hell did these two guys end up here?” Cartman: “They’re not a part of your betrayal?” Kyle: “No. They’re not a part of your betrayal?” Cartman: “No. Whose betrayal is this?”

Stan is at the doors and he locks everyone inside. He says, “This isn’t our war, you guys. It never was. We’ve been pitted against each other by two companies for the sake of marketing. That’s why they want lines around the block. Because they want a war to promote their product. They don’t give a crap what kind of friendships it costs. You two want a war so bad? Then you fucking fight.” He throws his wooden sword to Sony.

Bill Gates takes off his shirt to fight, revealing he’s covered in tattoos. Across his back, it says “RIP Steve Jobs 2011.” On his chest, the tattoos say “trust no one,” 1972 and MS-DOS. Dude. They fight. Butters arrives and asks what he missed.

At the ribbon cutting, a shopper cuts off Martin’s exposed wiener and cuts the ribbon. The shoppers run in and attack each other. Real footage from people running in stores on Black Friday is shown.

Sharon calls Randy to tell him Stan’s at the Red Robin Wedding, too. Randy pushes through the crowd to try to get to him. At the Red Robin Wedding, Bill Gates finishes the Sony CEO and he declares XBox the winner. The kids all leave the Red Robin to the Charlie Brown piano version of O Christmas Tree. They are not in a hurry.

Throughout the mall, there are dead bodies and blood covering the walls. There is a river of blood. The boys get their XBoxes and go home where they play a game, unenthused. Butters: “The graphics are definitely like ten percent better than the old XBox.” Cartman suggests they play outside.

The boys agree they don’t even need video games to play. Cartman holds up a stick and says, “Screw video games! Dude, who even needs them?” Cut to the much delayed South Park: The Stick of Truth video game case with coming soon! under it.

Butters pops up and says, “Yeah and if you believe that, I got a big, floppy wiener to dangle in your face.”

It’s clear South Park Studios spent a lot of time on the animation in this episode. There were shots from above, anime style animation, rivers of blood. I mean, if you’ve seen the amount of work that goes in to a South Park episode with different angles and animation styles, you know this wasn’t done Tuesday afternoon. Hats off to the whole crew at South Park Studios. You all worked your asses off and it turned out fantastic.

What did you think of the conclusion to this trilogy? More importantly, will the Stick of Truth ever come out?

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