South Park Studios/Comedy Central

Black Friday is coming. Randy takes a job as a mall cop for the biggest shopping day in the country. The boys plan how to be first in line to buy the new gaming consoles in this Game of Thrones-esque episode.

Spoilers below.

The episode starts with a Black Friday mall cop briefing at the mall. Randy is among them. One is missing an arm from a previous Black Friday. An older guard with a huge scar across his one ruined eye warns, “Do not underestimate the battle that’s about to take place outside those doors. Winter is coming.”

Cartman, in wizard garb, goes to Kenny’s house and says he needs to speak to “the fair Lady McCormick.” Cartman has gathered all of the boys in their cosplay outfits from The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers. He says he knows how they can get XBox Ones.

The local news interviews people planning on shopping Black Friday. One scary woman (voiced amazingly by Trey) says, “If anyone thinks they’re gonna beat me inside that mall and keep me from getting my kids’ Christmas presents, they can kiss my fat vagina because I’m bringing the motherfucking pain.”

The boys do weapons training and get ready for battle. Butters admits he doesn’t watch Game of Thrones and Cartman tells him to get on that. Cartman announces they need more kids but refuses to ask the Star Trek kids, calling them dorks.

Randy asks a solemn mall cop if it’s really as bad as people have said. The cop says, “There was screaming. Blood. People tearing each other’s faces off while holiday music played in the background.” I’ve done Black Friday. It’s exactly like that.

Butters tells Cartman he’s started watching Game of Thrones and he’s confused as to why there’s so much “gay wiener.” He says anytime you see a wiener, it’s because a gay sex scene is about to happen. Cartman tells him he’s missing the point of the show.

At the training camp, the boys realize some want XBox Ones and some want PS4s. Kyle says they all have to agree on one system so everyone can play together online. Cartman: “We are getting XBox Ones, guys, and that’s final.” Craig: “That’s exactly how XBox people are.”

The group splits between XBox and PS4 with Stan on the PlayStation side. Kyle is surprised and Stan says he never listens to him, “because that’s how XBox people are.”

Randy confesses to Sharon he took the job to get to the front of the line. He tells her, “Winter is coming, Sharon, and I’m a sneaky little bee. Buzz, buzz.”

Cartman gets the Star Trek kids to join the XBox side. Kyle is upset Stan is on the other side.

Cartman: “He betrayed us and now we must out Game of Thrones him by making powerful alliances.”
Butters: “Oh, don’t even get me started! I keep watching that show and I’m still waiting for the darn dragons to show up and kick everyone’s butts. But all I get is wiener, wiener, wiener. It’s not all gay wiener but when they do show a straight guy’s weiner, it’s all soft and floppy, even though he just got done humping a pretty girl. Why is that? Because a soft wiener isn’t threatening. Just like a gay wiener.”
Cartman: “Butters, you seem to be somewhat obsessed with wieners.”
Butters: “I’m obsessed with wieners? Well, what about HBO?”

The boys find out a new Elmo doll, Stop Touching Me Elmo, is getting released on Black Friday. It says and does mega disturbing things, as you can imagine. Oh my God, South Park. Ohhh my God.

The mall cops get word of the Elmo doll. The scarred cop yells at the toy store employees, “You’ve murdered us! You soulless monsters! You’ve killed us all!” Zombie-esque adults line up outside to get the new Elmo.

Kyle tries to gain the alliance of the goth kids but they say they’ll just wait until the PS4s become cheaper. You and me both, goth kids.

Cartman and Lady McCormick, stroking a rat, walk through a garden, scheming and planning. A man yells at them to get out of his garden.

Cartman: “Fuck you, dude! This is the garden of Andros!”
Man: “No it’s my damn garden and I’m sick of you kids dressing up and having talks of betrayal in it!”

Randy looks for deals in the mall when the old, scarred man approaches him. He tells Randy he reminds him of his son that died on Black Friday.

Two kids tell Stan maybe they should just accept that XBox is winning. Stan refuses and says, “What would they do on Game of Thrones? What would they do when things look their darkest?”

Cut to a Sony executive having sex. Sony has gotten word that XBox might win the battle. They release a “Brack Friday Bunduru,” a bundle with a bunch of cool stuff and the ability to pre-order Metal Gear Solid 5. Kyle is upset he can’t pre-order the game.

Cartman: “Sir Kyle, pre-order doesn’t mean shit, okay? When you pre-order a game you’re just committing to pay for something that some assholes in California haven’t even finished working on yet. You know what you get for pre-ordering a game? A big dick in your mouth.”

Randy announces no one can line up for Black Friday until Thanksgiving and offers to hand out wristbands. He gets trampled. The old, scarred man is stabbed. Randy goes to his side and says, “No! You can’t die! Everybody really likes you.” Randy admits to him he lied. The man tells Randy to protect the town. He pulls off his fake scar and puts it over Randy’s eye. Randy stands up, renewed, and tells the mall cops to go back inside.

Kyle says to his group, “When we started this fight, it was because we were tired of XBox people telling us PlayStation sucked. Now, we’re an army of our own. I can’t guarantee you will live but I can guarantee that before this is over, the winner of the console wars will be decided. Our new leader has joined us to help make sure that system is the PS4. All hail the princess!”

The princess is Lady McCormick. Her rat lets out a war cry.

This was a pretty epic episode. I love how angry Butters was about weiners on Game of Thrones. Also, it was super exciting to see the boys dressed up again, especially with The Stick of Truth game delayed again until March 2014. It was supposed to come out last March but what can you do? Shit happens. Whenever we get it, it’ll be awesome.

So, what did you think of this episode? What was your favorite line or part?